Father rushing to fetch older kids is pressured by wife to also pick up their younger kids early from daycare, despite being able to take them home herself 30 minutes later, forcing him to disrupt his whole schedule: 'Not understanding her anger in this'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Nov 27, 2025 6:00 PM EST

We're not one hundred percent sure that the daily designated pick-ups seem to be the problem here…We're no relationship counselors, nor are we claiming to be…but this whole 'who's fetching who' situation seems a bit odd. This father has two older children from a previous marriage and two younger children with his new wife. Every day, he fetches his older kids between 5-5:30 pm, creating the perfect routine. However, recently he's wife's been insisting that he fetch their two youngest from her office beforehand…despite being able to bring them home herself at 6 pm. It's out of the way and just creates an unnecessary pick-up system! So why is she so insistent that he's responsible for bringing home all four children when she has the full capacity to help out?

Some could argue that she's jealous of her step-children's daily extra 30 minutes of quality time with their father, attempting to insert a part of herself in the situation. Or she simply enjoys making sure her husband runs around while she leaves work hands-free? Either way, neither option is ideal! They're going to have to communicate soon, before the after-school commute drives a wedge in their relationship! 

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  • He's a very hands-on father as it is, but he believes it's fair for their responsibilities to be split down the middle regarding their kids, whether she's biologically related to all four of them or not. Unfortunately, many step-parents aren't as eager to ‘share’ their partners with their step-children, creating some sort of subconscious competition that never had to be there in the first place!

  • Man driving his children in the backseat
    via gettysignature

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH, I don’t want to pick my son up from daycare.

    My wife 37 works for a daycare and gets off at 6pm. I commute from work 96 miles and get back to town between 5:00-5:30.
    via DirtyDude49
  • I have two school age kids (4 and 6), from a previous marriage, in the afterschool program at their school.
    via DirtyDude49
  • I need to pick them up at 5:30 everyday. Sometimes I barely make it. We have allotted times we have to pick at the beginning of the year.
    via DirtyDude49
  • I picked 5:30 because I barely make it back to town by 5:00 most days. So 5:30 is the time.
    via DirtyDude49
  • We have 2 kids together (5 months and 2yrs) that go to her work with her because she works at a child care facility.
    via DirtyDude49
  • She tells me that I have to come get them too because I'm getting the others.
    via DirtyDude49
  • It doesn't make sense to me, she will be home in a half hour anyways... It's not because she needs help getting them to the car or anything like that.
    via DirtyDude49
  • It's not because it's hard for her. It's because I got the other kids from afterschool at 5:30.
    via DirtyDude49
  • She told me I need to reschedule my time to get off so I can be there to pick up ours at 5 and then pick up the others at 5:30.
    via DirtyDude49
  • Mother working with her baby on her lap while on the phone
    via stagestock

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • But why? She will be home with everyone in 35 minutes. I want to use this time to get the two situated with homework and then start dinner in time for her to come home.
    via DirtyDude49
  • Sometimes I pick up my two with her at 5:50 and she gets off at 6:00 because I don't want to fight with her.
    via DirtyDude49
  • I'm really not understanding her anger in this. I have adjusted my time to pick them up at 5:00.
    via DirtyDude49
  • It's not a big burden but it does make it a little more difficult to do it the way I did prior.
    via DirtyDude49
  • And now dinner doesn't get done as early because I'm changing diapers and making bottles instead...
    via DirtyDude49
  • Limp-Paint-7244 Sounds like she is super immature and literally jealous of children. Because how dare you spend extra time with your older children but not her children? Where's the red flag guy??
    via Limp-Paint-7244
  • boatymacboatface_2K NTA, but there seems to be an deeper issue here with your wife and your two kids from a previous marriage. Worth addressing now and setting expectations and boundaries
    via boatymacboatface_2K
  • Unbuttered Toast42 This is not about childcare pickup.
    via UnbutteredToast42
  • Pretty employee waving outside of work
    via minervastudio

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • DescriptionFew6118 This whole thing sounds exhausting.
    via DescriptionFew6118
  • Worldly_Edge_6170 Would love to hear her reasoning. I feel like something is missing as it doesn't make sense.
    via Worldly_Edge_6170
  • Fun_Television_1289 Info: Does she need to clean up or do anything when her shift ends? Or does it hit 6pm and she's free to leave without doing anything? Do the kids staying until close impact her or any other workers (prevent them from doing XYZ)
    via Fun_Television_1289
  • OwlDiscombobulated77 Also maybe the fact she gave birth twice in less than two years and is now back working full time with babies is having a toll on her mental and emotional health.. wtf is wrong with the usa seriously
    via OwlDiscombobulated77
  • Nahvir NTA, but talk about it. I would sit down with her and ask her why she wants you to get the kids when it's only a 30 minute difference. I feel like there is something else going on. Is she worried that your shared kids aren't getting the same amount of attention as your previous- marriage kids because you pick them up and not your shared kids?
    via Nahvir

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